Friday, January 24, 2014

Catching Up!

YIKES!! I'm so far behind, I'm sorry about that:

This Week's Conversations With a Co-Worker Snippets:

Conversations With a Co-Worker:

CW: Morning. I can already tell it's going to be hot in here today.
Me: Turn off your space heater.
CW: I didn't realize it was on ........
Me: Just flossing, Huh?

Conversations With a Co-Worker:
(she's quiet today, I think she's plotting)

CW: Are you busy?
Me: Well, I'm not twiddling my thumbs - why what can I help with?
CW: I don't understand this new outlook program.
Me: there's not enough time for me to explain that to you.
CW: Today?
Me: Ever.

Conversations With a Co-Worker:

Me: It's your birthday?!
CW: Yeah.
Me: Why didn't you say anything?! Happy Birthday!
CW: Oh, you're welcome.
Me: -- wait, what?

It's important to note:
I have on my desk, a grumpy cat coffee mug & a Thank Goodness I'm Fabulous (bright pink) water bottle - two of my most prized office possessions - amongst other fun things.

Conversations With a Co-Worker:

CW: *glancing at my desk & all the fun things I have* that's super cute.
Me: *unsure what she's referring to this time* what's that?
CW: Your water bottle. It's super cute.
Me: Thanks! one of my bestest friends in the world sent that to me.
CW: In the world?
Me: mmhmm. I've got peeps all over the globe.
CW: Like those little marshmallow candies?
Me: Yep. Just like that.

did you miss me?!?

Conversations With a Co-Worker:

CW: How did your daughter do on her midterm?
Sup: good, she had Latin, said it was hard.
CW: why don't you bring her to Mexico, so she can learn it first hand?

Conversations With a Co-Worker:
CW: I'll be leaving at 10:30 today.
Me: I'm not allowed to let you take anymore time off.
CW: I've had a toothache for days now, I have to go to the dentist.
Me: I'm sorry I can't allow it.

Conversations With a Co-Worker:
Sup: Mine is still here, are you sure it's missing?
CW: I just reached down to turn it on, and it's not here!
Me: Your space heater? Facilities must really have it in for you
CW: Oh, ha. It's here, it's just been unplugged and moved a little, sorry about my panic there.

Conversations With a Co-Worker:
Me: What smells like dirty gym shoes?
CW: Um. I don't know. I don't smell anything.
Me: Weird, it's .. gross . and overpowering.
CW: All I smell is my soup.
Me: Did you run out of frat boy bones and use their shoes?

Conversations With a Co-Worker:
CW: Okay, I'm going to lunch - do you need anything?
Me: Just my head examined - I'm losing it today!
CW: I am in no position to examine anyone's heads ..
Me: **dissolve into a fit of laughter**

Friday, January 17, 2014

January 16th, 2014

Conversations With a Co-Worker:

CW: I'm so .. have I been here all week?
Me: Well, physically. Mentally I'm not sure. I don't know when the last time you were mentally present was. I've only known you about 10 months.
CW: Oh it's been years.
Me: I gathered.

Conversations With a Co-Worker:

Me: Okay, that's it - no more junk food.
CW: Are you sure?
Me: Definitely. I can't sit here and eat junk all day.
CW: You can start by getting rid of all that evil wheat.
Me: I said junk food, not good food.

Conversations With a Co-Worker:

Me: You know what annoys me?
CW: What? *all anxious and excited, as though I'm about to reveal the biggest secret ever ... to her*
Me: When people mispronounce or spell simple words.
CW: What do you mean?
Me: Oh you know, Ask=Axe Anyway=Anyways Spelled=Spelt
Things like that.
CW: It's not Spelt?

Conversations With a Co-Worker:

CW: I'm a nut about flossing.
Me: Just flossing?

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

January 15th 2014


CW: {with a snide snarky smile} I see you made it just before 8am today. did you have to park in Alumni? (*editors note: alumni is about a country mile away from where our office is)
Me: Nope, got the last spot in Edgewood.
CW: I was here well before you, and *I* Had to park in Alumni!
Me: Obviously, someone loves me more than you today.

Conversations With a Co-Worker:

CW: Did you have a nice lunch?
Me: Salad, per usual.
CW: Still no home made soup from your husband?
Me: Nope, we ran out of small children and animals to sacrifice. We're going hunting this weekend though, would you like me to set aside some bones for you?
CW: Twisted  :-/
Me: Perfectly 

Conversations with a Co-Worker:

Me: I don't feel like walking to the bank today, I'll go first thing in the morning.
CW: If you want, I'll take it down. I could use a breath of fresh air.
Me: Mint?

Tuesday, January 14, 2014

January 14th 2014

Conversations with a Co-Worker:

CW: I'm not taking anymore days off, so I can have a vacation this summer. Don't let me take anymore days off.
Me: So, you want me to tell you that you're being dramatic when you call in and don't want to be here because the wax smell is pungent?
CW: I didn't want to take any chances, you know, with my nose.
 Me: Oh I know. Your nose. It's sensitive.

Conversations with a Co-Worker:

CW: Oh, what smells so lovely?
Me: Well, CE and I are eating lunch early.
CW: mmmm - what do you have?
Me: Taco Salad.
CW: Oh, that's not what I smell, that cannot possibly smell good.
Me: Well, it's not frat boy soup .. but I'm enjoying it.

Conversations With a Co-Worker:

CW: You need to stop eating wheat.
Me: I can't - I'm addicted.
CW: It's seriously bad for you.
Me: All the good things - generally are. Sex, Drugs & Rock N Roll ... All Good Things, All Bad For You.
CW: .......... anyway, enjoy your snack

Conversations with a Co-Worker:

Me: (to another co-worker{3}) What's his name and contact info - I'll make *him* cry. No One Makes CW2 Cry! No One!
CW: You're so cute when you're angry.
Me: That's how I catch my victims off guard. They see me and think "ohhh she's so cute, there's no way she posts about me all over the internet. no way I'm the fodder of her friends laughter" They'd Be Wrong.
CW: ha, the internet. I hate that thing, I wish it'd never been invented. What's it even really good for?
Me: So Many Things.

Conversations With a Co-Worker:

CW: I am so glad my headache seems to have eased.
Me: Wonderful news, I still have one plaguing me.
CW: To be honest, I don't think it was a headache really, I think it was the flu that manifested in my body as a migraine.
Me: Really? That's funny. my headache is morphing into a pain in my ass.

January 13th 2014

Guess Who's Baaaaaaaaaaaaack!!!!
Conversations with a Co-Worker:

CW: Did you have a good weekend?

Me: Pretty good. thank you, and how was yours?

CW: Good, I built birdhouses. I think I'm going to sell them with my pictures. Have you started selling yours yet?

Me: Nope, changed my mind. the pictures I want to sell require an ID to purchase.

CW: .........................

Conversations with a Co-Worker:

CW: So I heard the wax smell was terrible Friday?

Me: Nope, barely noticed a thing.

CW: Oh, Really? Well, you must not be sensitive to smells like I am.

Me: Apparently not, although, I don't routinely crawl around on the floor sniffing to see if things bother my nose.

CW: ... blink blink .. sniff .. blink blink ...

January 10th 2014

The WORST Possible thing happened:

sadly, there will be no conversations with the co-worker today, alas - she has called in sick.

Why?  WHY did she call in sick you ask??

They waxed the floors.

I can't make this shit up.

January 9th 2014

After Ignorning me for all of the 8th:

CW: I overheard you talking about your first assignments, did you complete them already?
Me: *blank stare* I wasn't talking to anyone about my first assignments.
CW: Sure, Sure, Sure you were, you were talking to CW2 and said you had some writing to do.
Me: *blank stare* it's done. It wasn't easy, but it wasn't hard.
CW: can I look at it? Ive never seen online classes before.
Me: *blank stare and dead pan frown turn to evil smile* yep. Go to www.thewebsitefortheschooli' - I'm sure you'll find it there, somewhere.
CW: *stutters* Uh, I, uh, I - wait, can I just go to that site and look at things?
Me: Only one way to find out.
CW: Would you, um, maybe help me?
Me: *headphones on, music up, work to be done*
CW: Stands there a little longer. Sighs, walks away.

Conversations with a Co-Worker:
Afternoon Edition:

CW: I made my own soup this weekend, so I'd have warm lunches.
Me: Good idea.
CW: So, does your husband make his own broth? you know, boil down bones?
Me: Only the bones of our youngest victims, they're not as dry and brittle.
CW: *blink blink*

Will She Never LEARN?
Conversations with a Co-Worker:

CW: My knuckles are all black & blue! What should I use to make them heal faster? Any ideas?
Me: Straight jacket, keep your arms & hands all nice and snug, so you won't bang into things.
CW: *nervous giggle*

Conversations with a Co-Worker:

CW2: What smells like armpits? I mean, I know we work in a University, but it's JTerm, the students aren't even here - why does it smell like a frathouse full of unwashed armpits??
CW1 (THE CW) : My .. Um, it's my soup. I made the broth myself.
Me: Send out the search party - look for an empty frat house, she boiled their bones. I'm sure of it.

January 7th 2014

Conversations with a Co-Worker:

CW: Would you mind telling me how you take such wonderful pictures? As I told you yesterday, I have been looking into some photography classes. Some of your shots must have taken so much time to set up, and prepare for. How do you do it?

Me: I think it's a great idea for you to take some classes. Not only will it help you with the mechanics of taking photos, it will help you with how to properly use certain features that are pretty standard no matter what camera you choose.

CW: but how do YOU do it? Have you ever taken a class?

Me: Me? Nope, I was just born with it.

A Few Hours Later:Conversations with a Co-Worker:
Afternoon Edition:

After ignoring me for most of the day, the following:

CW: So, when you go to online classes, you need like to buy like a laptop or something?

Me: If you want to be able to work *anywhere* yes, but a computer of any kind, and even some tablets, like an iPad, that is able to connect to the internet and has the necessary software will work.

CW: So, where did you get your laptop, did you buy one for just these classes?

Me: Nope, I'm renting time at the local library, and I'm using their internet. Figured it's cheaper that way.

How it all began:

January 6th, 2014 - I posted the following conversations to my facebook status:
Recent Conversations with a Co-Worker:

Co-Worker (CW) - Did you get anything nice for Christmas?
Me - I got my camera (the new digital one I got last month) - I haven't gotten another one yet, it's planned, but we're doing a little research before we purchase. I want to make sure it's what I want, and can do what I need.
CW - OH! Me too, we're researching because there were deer close, but not terribly close and my camera that I do have wasn't picking up a clear shot - so we're going to get me one of those with interchanging lenses too.
Me - awesome. good luck! *sigh*

A Few Minutes Later:

CW - Did you see any birds over break?
Me - Just your normal backyard birds, but apparently - based on the wholes in our trees, we have a Pileated Woodpecker in our yard, I have not yet seen the bird though. It's a tree that's just beyond our tree line and the window is RIGHT behind my head, so it's only a matter of time until I do see it.
CW - OH! We have those all the time, I have video of one of them just pecking away at a tree. It once landed just behind me, when I was gardening, So I got a really close look. They're gorgeous. It was so close, but I was hunched over, so he didn't see me. I can't believe *you've* never seen one!!

Just Now:
(Why I even continue this, I'll never know)

Me - I meant to tell you, I saw a red-tailed hawk take off with a small - something - in it's talons the other day .. I was bummed I forgot my camera at home that day. I don't get to see that a lot, but I was really happy to see it this time.
CW - Oh I've seen that a thousand times, one time, I was talking with a neighbor in the yard - and mid-sentence he said: Oh! LOOK! That hawk is going to scoop up that little chippy right there! WATCH! ... I turned, and just 5 feet or so from where we were standing a red-tailed hawk swooped down, and sure enough, scooped up that little chipmunk like it was nothing.

I've started a blog

Well Hello There!

I work in a pretty professional office ... there are 8 of us.   Three of us, are on a particular team.

One of the women I work with, is crazy.

I began posting some of the crazy things she's said, and my responses on facebook.  I got some pretty decent feedback and comments.  The most popular?


So here I am.  Blogging.  About a crazy co-worker.  Among other things, I'm sure.

These conversations, are 100% authentic -- and completely unbelievable.

*** Important Note***
Because of where I work, I am attempting to remain as anonymous as I can.  However, I know that's mostly impossible now-a-days.  If you know me, and who I am, please, keep it to yourself.